She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
