and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
