I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
