Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
