I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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