WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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