I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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