I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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