I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
