How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
