last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
