My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
