dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize