ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize