New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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