I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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