i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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