Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
