I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
