you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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