I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My dick has a subreddit
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
