So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize