so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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