dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
