Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
