Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
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