The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize