I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
