I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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