the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
