i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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