That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
