So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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