If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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