I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
