yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
