why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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