Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
