It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
