I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
