So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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