I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
