remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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