I'm gonna have a badass scar
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
