you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
