the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
