She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
