Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
