mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize