God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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