Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
