i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
