Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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