When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
