alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
