just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
