You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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