Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
