if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
