after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
