i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
