So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
