i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
