all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
