ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
