I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
