i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
