I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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