I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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