Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
