they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
