Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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