And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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