so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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