Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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