dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Im part way to drunk.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
