We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
