it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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