Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
